Fresh Start.

Oh, hey there! I can't believe you're actually here reading this... Not gonna lie - coming back here after eight months to the day feels pretty weird. And I don’t even know if I’m really back yet. It’s actually insane for me to think back to eight months ago - October! So much has happened since then…

I went on my first Vegas trip in November for my birthday, first ski trip with Mike (the ski newb), became obsessed with the Serial podcast and somehow surviving a long ass Canadian winter. Seriously - like seven months of winter is not cool.

And of course - wedding planning. I only did two posts on wedding planning, way back in March 2014 when I apparently planned on getting my shit together and doing this thing properly. Well that didn’t happen and I avoided most of it until January 2015. At that point, I realized that all I had was a venue, a dress and a photographer. *Lets that sink in* Needless to say, I was in ultra crunch mode.

Well guess what - we pulled that shit off with flying colours! But also with a lot of fighting, yelling, crying, stressing, and general freaking out. Of course, how else?

I won’t bore you with wedding details now - I hope to do separate posts for that - but I’m hoping to get back into this and my other hobbies now that my time isn’t being held hostage!

I’ve already started reading my favourite blogs again and commenting. I even gave this little blog o’ mine a refresh! So let’s see how this goes. If anything, I vow to stop posting “Hey, I’m alive...really!” posts. Two in a row is enough I think, right? Though to be fair, everything I said in my last post about going back to my 'blog roots' and find inspiration still stands true.

Cheers to new beginnings!

Still kicking.

Oh, hey. Look who's still alive! That's right, I am.

I'm really just going to cut to the chase - I have been beyond uninspired. Like, beyond. And not just lately; for a very long time. Somewhere along the way, this little blog lost its purpose & became something that doesn't really define me. I got sucked into some kind of black hole of blogging leading me to post things of little value and I'm not crazy about that fact.

That and I'm pretty sure I became boring. Seriously. My posts used to actually be funny! By which I mean, I read my old posts, circa late 2010 / early 2011, and they make me laugh. I'm my biggest critic.

That actually sounds extremely sad & terrible haha Probably moreso than it should, don't worry. But somewhere along the way, life sucked the life out of me & I stopped caring about documenting it.

I also became afraid of documenting it as I saw it & that just deflated me further. Surrounding myself with people who I don't feel I can be myself with 100%, and who one way or another may find my blog (which I have generally kept a secret from most people that know me IRL) makes me feel censored.

Or, made. Because I want to get back to those roots. Other people's feelings be damned. That may sound insensitive - I won't deny it - but guess what? I am not known for being sensitive to others or for censoring myself so why the fuck should I have to censor myself on MY OWN blog???

That's right, I don't. So let this be a blanket upfront apology to anyone who stumbles upon this blog (and maybe shouldn't have) and reads something that offends them. Sorry, but that's my opinion. It's not personal. Unless I specifically talk about you - then it's probably kind of personal.

So I'm not going away just yet. I love writing - I really, really do. And if I manage to get re-inspired in this tiny corner of mine on the world wide web, then GREAT. If not...well, the world is my oyster.

Can't wait for new things, whatever they may be.

In My Head

This is my brain on a daily basis

This is why it wants to explode on a daily basis.

How do you guys stay sane?!

Besides to do lists...I have like, four.

Friendship, redefined

Several weeks ago, we went to a friend's birthday. I was really looking forward to it - Friday night, summer, drinks - why not?! Except I was ready to go home within 10 minutes. After exchanging the standard pleasantries of 'Hey, how are you? What's new?' I quickly discovered that absolutely nothing was new.

Clearly there's a reason I call this group of friends "Mike's friends". I met them around the same time I met Mike - in fact we both did - through our old work softball league. If I hadn't stayed with Mike, I wouldn't have stayed friends with these folks. Simply because we have nothing in common except for what bonded us at first - our jobs.

Mike still gets together with them but I generally skip out on anything that isn't a birthday or some kind of 'special occasion'. I think I talk enough about being time-starved - I really have zero time to waste on friendships that are not fulfilling. 

They're nice people, don't get me wrong. But I shouldn't be struggling to make conversation 10 minutes in, right? And then sometimes there are IRL friends are ultra annoying and you just want to kick them. See this post & this one.

I do have truly good friends - ones that are like family & I will know forever - but we're not all in one tight group so it's hard to see everyone often. But when we do spend time together, it's fabulous! The kinds of friends that you can be apart from for weeks, months or longer and yet you don't miss a beat when you reunite. Those friendships are magical.

And then there are blog friends. Bloggers will understand, the rest likely will not but I think that it makes perfect sense. These are the people who the only reason you even know of their existence, even if it's halfway across the country or world, is that because when you came across their blog, at least one of their blog posts truly spoke to you. 

Then make that every post. Which is followed by regular tweeting, then texting and then, if you're very lucky enough to live in even the same time zone as that person, you get to meet face to face. Yes, it is exactly like dating. And yes, first meetings are very much like first dates. LOL

I have been lucky enough to meet two of my favourite ladies!

Bree I've known the longest - just over 2 years now - because we live in the same city. We probably don't see each other as much as we'd I'd like to - you know, life gets in the way - but when we do, there's always more than enough to talk about & catch up on. She's usually the one I consult with when events are going on around town, the first person I advise of upcoming store closures with potential for massive sales & the usual it's-too-cold-no-it's-too-hot banter.

Jennie I just got to meet last month & she's even more wonderful than she let on! We unsuccessfully met up for coffee because I got lost in the rain torrential downpour, which naturally resulted in splitting a half-price bottle of wine & we had ourselves a ball! Believe me, this would probably be a regular thing if she lived closer... *hint hint* Plus, there's not a single nail challenge that Jennie hasn't accepted and outdone herself in - I'm running out of ways to stump her, seriously :P 

I'm super glad that I've been able to turn these bloggy friends into IRL friends b/c they totally fit what I expect from real friends - a connection. No pressure ladies! LOL

Rarely am I as happy about my blog as when I think about all of the amazing people it has given me the opportunity to collide with, IRL or not. Friendships & bonds that would not have been possible if it wasn't for this little cyber spot of mine. Yeah, I'm cheesin'.

Thanks to everyone I've met thus far and looking forward to those peeps I don't even know yet!

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City Oasis

The outdoor part of the condo tour is long overdue. I mostly blame mother nature. But I'm so, so glad the warmer weather finally arrived because spending time on our balcony has been awesome!

The length our balcony

Our eating area
with Koko attacking my basil plant

Our lounging area

We also found out that we're allowed to have our own BBQ on the balcony (many condos don't allow it) so dC has been a happy little BBQing master.

BBQ meals have seriously been the best!!!

And you know who else is loving outside? This fluffy guy!

On a leash of course, because he's an escape artist.

Koko's favourite place to be is outside on the balcony. He cries to be let outside the minute we wake up in the morning and the minute we get home from work. It's really funny...and only occasionally annoying.

Summer came late and I hope it stays late so that we can keep enjoying it!

The Non-Skinnies

I was originally going to go with a different title for this post but in the end, I didn't want to unintentionally offend anyone. Therefore, 'non-skinnie' seemed like the next best thing. This is a long one, be prepared...

While I've never been a "big" girl, I've also not been at my skinniest potential and that's something I've always battled with on some level or another. My problem has always been a lack of motivation & accountability. I feel like talking about it will, or should, help with that. I'm hoping!

My weight has always fluctuated but not greatly and I always end up balancing out. Even after my exchange abroad in university where I gained way too much weight - probably all that wine, frozen pizzas & cartons of ice cream - I managed to bounce back after getting back into a regular routine once I got home.

Over the last year and a half though, I've slowly been gaining weight and I can't seem to get a handle on it. It started with Mike moving in and the increased food consumption. I do recognize it's my fault with my love of food and hate of any and all exercise, but I used to somehow manage those two &keep my weight in check.

Lately I just feel gross. I'm super conscious of my belly area and what feels like my ever-expanding thunder thighs. None of this is based on weighing myself; purely on how my clothes fit. Clothes that used to fit great and now barely fit at all. However, I refuse to be forced to update my wardrobe...

A year ago, I even joined the gym and was going regularly! But after a month of no (visible) results, I started going less and less. Then I just abandoned everything for a while after we got engaged, started looking for a place to buy, I was working overtime every single day & ultimately Christmas time hit.

It wasn't until a few weeks after we had moved and settled in that I got back into going to the gym's group classes. I tried body combat, zumba and body pump. They were fun but not enough to keep me going b/c of their 8:30PM slots. By the time I get home & shower, it's bed time - no thanks. The theory of 80% food/20% exercise also made it rather convenient for me to abandon the much-hate workouts.

So I decided I'd focus on the food part and started a low carb diet. Have you even met my love of carbs?! Seriously. However, I was surprised at how much easier it was (considering I expected pure hell on earth) and the weekly cheat day helped for sure. I felt more full after eating less, less bloated. But I could only live off eggs and bacon for so long before it got old and I slowly fell off the wagon. I can't say I noticed any other big differences. Mind you, it was barely a month...

In the meantime, I'd started reading a book on the 8-hour diet. Basically, you can eat whatever you'd like (though you should really still follow the super health food groups they outline) within an 8-hour time period. That's it. You don't even have to do it every day necessarily. The theory is that it forces your body to fast for the remaining 16 hours. A theory I have yet to prove - I tried it out strictly for a little while & I'm currently following it loosely.

Thing is I really suck at working out because I get bored and because I don't really know the "correct" workout strategies to get me to my goals. That and making time for it with the little time I have after work. Also a warning - when I'm hungry, I am down right hangry!

Mostly I'm writing about this to get it off my chest and to feel a little bit more accountable for making some results happen. And maybe to not feel so alone...

I have some updates since I originally started writing this so I'll def be posting about it again. Plus, remember how I need to stay accountable?

Spring-y

Or not. Hey end of April, why are your temperatures in the single digits? It's been 38 days since spring 'officially' began and it is taking its sweet ass time actually getting here. To Toronto at least.

It's a good thing I didn't post my why I am excited for Spring list back then because I'd still be waiting to do all of those things.

But guys, it's almost May. This shitty weather is going to have to end sooner, not later, so I'm going to go ahead and get pumped up!

Why I was am pumped for Spring:

*No more layers! Or at least, far fewer layers
*IWearing all my cute flats
*Starting to be nice enough for the coveted patio weather!
*Spring flowers
*Bicycle buying for summer bicycle riding
*Not freezing to death at the bus stop
*More sunny days
*Longer days aka it's not dark when I leave work

What is your favourite part of spring? Have you actually felt springtime yet?

the 2013 that was...

Why yes, I am doing a 2013 year in review halfway through January...problem?

That should really be a testament as to how crazy our lives have been pretty much since we got back from vacation.

I don't know about all y'all but 2013 was a huge year for me.

In February I got a new job, after a really long time of being used and abused at my old job. And after an adjustment period, I'm totally into this not-so-new job.!

In January, Mike moved in to my our apartment. We also went through an adjustment period there, but it was definitely a necessary step in right direction for our relationship. Obviously there are always bumps but 2013 was pretty love-licious for us and so...we got ENGAGED in September during our California vacation!!! More on that in the next post...

Which is pretty much when the updates stopped. October-December were absolutely.bloody.insane. at work. Late nights and overtime like I don't ever want to remember you won't even believe. In hindsight, there was a purpose to it & was totally worth it because I got promoted right before my birthday! Yes, happy birthday to me indeed :)

December was crazy because I mean, when aren't the Holidays busy, amiright?! But we also moved forward with our decision to buy & move, and right before Christmas we purchased a home of our own! Merry Christmas to us!

We move in just over 3 weeks, quite fast I know, meaning January has been just as insane! I really hate dealing with things that are unfamiliar to me because I like to think I know everything, so this has been extra stressful for me. Soon though...soon.

So while this doesn't necessarily excuse my absenteeism, I hope it explains it...

I keep making blog plans like dozens of draft posts, not to mention an overdue facelift, but it all just gets pushed out as a result of life. I'll work on it, promise!!!

2013 treated us incredibly well and it's hard to imagine more milestones and more happiness in 2014, but I'm actually incredibly excited to see what it has in store!!!

...Right after I finish packing up our apartment...send help. Please?

life's too short

Too short for me to waste what little non-working, non-sleeping time I have in a day on things I don't care about.
Too short for me to procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Last night I found out a good friend has been in the hospital/rehab for the last month after being in an accident.
It broke my heart, but at the same time I was so relieved he was OK.
Had I not procrastinated getting in touch with said friend I would have known much sooner. Hello, eye-opener!

Things around here need to change, on my terms. I'm quite averse to change and risks so I acknowledge that it will probably be a slow change.
But there will be a change.

Like I said, only one month of summer left & now's the time to make it count.

Happy Thursday, lovelies :)

20 Years of Red & White

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20 years ago today, my parents & I came to Canada from Europe.

I remember that day so vividly from beginning to end & will likely never forget it...

Watching Groundhog Day on the plane - now an all-time favourite.

Seeing the sun setting on the Montreal skyline on drive from the airport.

Being mesmerized by Homeward Bound - another favourite of mine.

Not realizing how big of a life-changer this move was truly going to be...seeing as I was only six.

Even after 20 years, I never stop wondering what my life would have been like if this had never happened...le sigh.

Rough Week

Yesterday was rough. So much so that it definitely required italicization. In fact, the past week has been pretty rough; some days more than others. But they all involved some level of "Seriously, this too?!" Best represented though this image.

Source: pinterest-daily.com via Melissa on Pinterest

I'm nor here to whine about my first world problems; just venting so I can get back on my 2013 Train of Positivity. Best train ever I tell ya! It's just hard to focus on it when little shit things keep popping up.

Here's to not letting this Monday define the rest of the week & month!

The End of an Era

Remember when I was excited about starting my corporate job just over two years ago? Yeah, I didn't either but this post refreshed my memory.

I mean, I remember being happy but I didn't realize I was that excited...and naive. So, so naive. I've learned so much since then - about what I do and don't want, about people, about looking out for myself.

I was very happy at my last job for the first year, when it started getting very bumpy. I even wrote this post about it. Things didn't get much better after that, because even though I had bursts of positivity and motivation, I just kept getting beat down. It took me a long time but I finally managed to jump off that sinking ship & I don't plan on looking back. 

I'm obviously super, crazy excited about starting my new job, but this time it's for the right reasons. With everything I learned over the last couple of years, I know I've based my decision on the right things.

I can't wait until tomorrow to jump into this new & exciting challenge! And hopefully a better work ID photo than this one...

But first things first...BON JOVI TONIGHT!

{via}

One Year of Lovin'!

Happy First Anniversary to #teamdCdK!

Love you babe!

So this is new...do we just do it all over again now???

Post your thoughts on what happens after this milestone below! :)

Humpity Hump Day

It's definitely Wednesday. My day started with Googling the following:

"how much should you save up before quitting your job"

Which resulted in going through this post:

6 Questions You Must Answer Before Quitting Your Job

It was 100% what I was looking for. However, definitely not what I wanted to hear.

I don't have a plan. Not at all. I would love to be an entrepreneur but I've always known I'm not quite right for that - not a riks-taker & quite frankly I have zero ideas.

The only answer I have is to 'travel Europe'. But that's my answer every time I want to runaway from my problems life.

My perfect job involves what I love most & do best - social media & business. Not sure where to find it though, or whether it will pay the bills.

How do I start looking without even knowing what I'm looking for? Can't someone do it for me? That would be perfect.

On the bright side, if none of that works out I guess I can always rely on being a 'stunt' double for this guy:

 

Happy #HumpDay!

Book Club!

I finally read another book & so I'm linking up!

Last week I finished:

{via}

A grandson tries to buy the corpse of Lenin on eBay for his Communist grandfather. A failed wunderkind steals a golden cross from an Orthodox church. A boy meets his cousin (the love of his life) once every five years in the river that divides their village into east and west. These are Miroslav Penkov's strange, unexpectedly moving visions of his home country, Bulgaria, and they are the stories that make up his beguiling and deeply felt debut.
In East of the West, Penkov writes with great empathy of centuries of tumult; his characters mourn the way things were and long for things that will never be. But even as they wrestle with the weight of history, with the debt to family, with the pangs of exile, the stories in East of the West are always light on their feet, animated by Penkov's unmatched eye for the absurd.

{Goodreads}

My mom heard about this book & ordered it off Amazon (a huge accomplishment for her!) in English so that  I would read it too. I'm not normally a short-story reader but I figured this was culturally relevant so I should probably read it. At the very least, to please my mom. ;)

I'm really glad that I read it. It's not so much that I really enjoyed it all (there were some stories that I found to be somewhat pointless) but nearly every story resonated in some way. Whether it was because it reminded  me of a personal situation or I could really understand where the character was coming from, it was real to me.

Of course, the author saved the best for last and it was definitely my favourite story. I think a large part of that is that the author finally defined in English what I have been unable to define for myself for the last couple of months. A single Bulgarian word that speaks volumes.

"Yad is what lines the inside of every Bulgarian soul. It's yad that propels us like a motor onward. Yad is like envy, but it's not simply that. It's like spite, rage, anger but more elegant, more complicated. It's like pity for someone, regret for something you did or did not do, for a chance you missed, for an opportunity you squandered. All those feelings in one beautiful word."

I won't explain right now why this 'yad' has had such a hold on me for the last couple of months but it was enough of a relief to finally have it defined in a way that I couldn't, for me to be able to start dealing with it a little bit more. That in itself made this book a worthwhile read for me.
If you enjoy books or stories about other cultures, this is an easy and definitely good read that I would surely recommend!

Happy Weekend!

#MusicMonday

I absolutely love re-discovering old gems and this past weekend I fell in love with this all over again...!

Here's to the first day of helping myself get out of this recent rutt... :)
#MotivationMonday

Re-Turning a New Leaf

I do this every spring. I start feeling the result of the winter over-snacking blues & I go crazy thinking about having to wear summer clothes. Summer clothes accentuated by a muffin top.

So then I decide I'm finally going to commit to [learning to love] exercising & finally starting to eat consistently healthy, instead of just one-off healthy weeks followed by face-stuffing.

That's why I hit up a fresh produce stand after work, worked out when I got home and made this delicious salad from SkinnyTaste. Followed by vowing that I need to keep this once and for all.

Honestly, I don't know how that's going to happen. I whimpered during the entire workout and called my mom afterwards to tell her how much I hated it. I hate it. There's no other way to describe it. But it needs to happen.

The tricky part is the balance, as I'm sure you all know. Too many restrictions leads to anxiety & cheating; too much leniency makes this undertaking rather pointless.

Here's a few ways I'm going to try to get & stay on track:

- Stop waiting for a morning that I can actually get out of bed & just try to find any time to workout

- Workout at least for the bare minimum amount of time and start to enjoy it

- Make lunches ahead of time - even if that means having a cooking day the previous weekend

- Commit to using my FitnessPal

- No eating out - dC & I have set the date of our next dinner out in 3 weeks

- Find motivation - internally & externally

How do you guys motivate yourselves to stick to these tough goals?

 I would love some moral support :)

So here's the deal...

I'm unhappy. Unhappy enough with one part of my life that it is seriously spilling over into the rest of it and warping my outlook on everything. It's funny that only 50 hours per week can taint the entire 168. I think you know what I'm talking about.

I knew that things would be crazy after the holidays because I would have twice as many responsibilities, but I didn't know just how crazy. And I didn't know just how unthankful the extra effort would be. I know it sounds like I'm whining and everyone goes through this once in a while, blah blah blah. It's not just me - I see it all around me. But since I don't want to go into too many details, we'll have to leave it at "you have to be there". However, consider yourself lucky not to be there.

So after a miserable 10-hour day, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of another computer screen, even though it's for the sake of this lovely lil blog of mine. Nor do I want to spew negative shit because I'm in such a wretched mood.

If you follow my twitter (as you should!) you'll know that I'm not down 100% of the time. dC does a great job of keeping my happiness in check (thanks boo!) and I do my best to make my weekends compensate for the week. But that leaves little time to update like I used to.

I could spend 2 hours writing a couple posts & leaving a few of comments (which I really enjoy doing, btw!) or I could be watching a movie. Tough call, I know.

I'm not saying I'm going to stop blogging. No. In fact, I'm going to do my best to post regularly. But I can't give up experiencing the joys in order to have time to write them down. Last week, Rach (one of my faves, you gotta check her out!) did a really good job of breaking the ice for me with this post. I guess I just felt guilty about saying what Rach actually had the guts to say. I love this place & I'm going to stick around - but I'm going to do it my way. [Thanks Rach :))]

I guess this is probably a bad time to talk about how I've kind of considered starting a (second) more serious, global issues blog. "Look, you can barely keep up with one where you don't even have to censor yourself edit, let alone a controversial one that will make you famous."  All in good time my pretties!

So...I guess that's my rant. There are some things I have to fix in my life, but I'm workin' on it so please be patient! Better yet, come along for the ride!

xo,

The Holiday Lull

So it's the week between Christmas & New Years, and what to do? Personally, I find this to be the most random part of the holidays.

Leading up to Christmas is the craziness of gift-buying, gift-wrapping, and cramming in meetings with everyone you won't see over those 2 key days. Then Christmas Eve & Day are mostly a blur of food, family, gifts & dessert. Yes, dessert gets its own call out.

New Years is similar. I find many people don't have plans made too far in advance and mad props to those who are able to set something up! So the last couple of days before are a hoopla of confirming plans (that realistically could have been made weeks ago) and figuring out the answer to the all-important question "Whattamigonnawear?!"

After you ring in the New Year, it's pretty much back to work (or school) and you start the year all over again...whomp whomp.

But what does one do in between the craziness? The reason I feel it's the most random part is because it's the least predictable, and there are many factors:

- Do I have to "work"?

- Are others "working"?

- Are we getting a blizzard this year?

- Does anyone feel like getting together for yet another dinner?

- Does anyone even have any money left to go out, etc? (probably not)

All of these are important questions that need answers before you can plan those critical in between days. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but honestly, it is. We rarely get such a care-free time off, where even those who have to go into work are forgiven when they're not really working but napping away the lingering food commas at their cubicles.

I, for one, plan to make the most out of my "Holiday lull". This year I won't be going into the office - though I do have my work laptop to be available in emergencies - and have 4 entire days to work with. Here's the plan so far:

1. mini Christmas with dC <3

2. dinner at my "in-laws"

3. skating

4. hosting a dinner chez moi!

5. relaxing :)

6. partaking in that infamous hoopla that leads up to New Years - no plans yet for this girl!!

So tell me, how do you make the most out of the Holiday Lull?

Learning to play nice

This is by no means my proudest moment. In fact it might actually be one of my most embarrassing - in life and in blog. Naturally, I'm going to share it with you.

Don't be fooled though, this isn't one of those haha-i'm-so-embarrassed-about-this-quirky-(or drunk)-stupid-thing-i-did-haha moments. It's more of an i'm-an-adult-and-i-can't-believe-i-just-acted-like-that-in-front-of-my-peers moment.

I play softball on a work league [which is pretty much like office dating because the consequences can be rather unpleasant if things go wrong*] and it's a lot of fun because my work friends are just plain awesome & I actually don't fully suck at it. Unfortunately, I'm really competitive. Like really, really, really competitive. It's affected me my whole life & I've never really learned how to deal with it...possibly because I've semi-avoided dealing with it hoping that I'd just grow out of it.

So we had a softball game the other day. We lost. I was pissed. Here's why:

1. The other team made a couple of shit calls which resulted in way more runs than they deserved.
2. My team was overly confident because we went into this game with a 4-0 winning streak.
3. Halfway through the game, they were still overly confident even though it was obvious that this team could hold their own & continued to hand them runs & opportunities to get us out.
4. Just the fact that I was letting this shit bother me made this a vicious fucking circle.

I didn't have a full-out tantrum on the diamond - that's not very becoming of a princess - however I'm sure you could tell my attitude had gotten pretty rotten with the glares, cussing (not too loudly) and I may or may not have tossed my glove one time.

I don't know how obvious it was to the other team while sitting on the bench or being in the outfield, however I know how I felt - like a frustrated douchebag. But a frustrated douchebag that I could not for the life of me control. Now, I wasn't the only one that was pissed and showed it, but by then I had tuned out my team mates so I couldn't really tell you exactly how they acted.

Don't worry, I still did the 'good game' handshake with the other team, but definitely called my mom right after that. MY MOM! I'm 24 years old in case I haven't mentioned. My mom didn't even understand what I was talking about at first (I may have been putting a lot of effort into not sobbing) and once she got it she was like, "Oh! I thought you lost something valuable, like your rings [again]!" She told me to go home, relax & suck it up because IT'S JUST A FREAKIN' SOFTBALL GAME!!

Guess what...I know it's just a game. What I don't know is how to not internalize a loss of any kind. This is my perception of me losing:

Losing > Failing > Not Good Enough > Incompetent > Inadequate

I'm very aware of how that sounds - dumb. But I like to put 110% into what I do & if I'm not completely successful then, at least I know I did my best. [cue Dane Cook] But with so much out of my control - aka 2 entire teams worth of people - I just can't handle it.

At work yesterday I had reason to suspect that things may have been said by the other team so I manned up - me admitting I was wrong? umm yes - and apologized to the other team's captain for what was likely the most douchebag-ish attitude they've seen on the diamond. We're cool, and of course I asked her to pass my apology on to the rest of the team because there's no way I was letting ME admitting I was wrong go unnoticed.

So like I said - I'm embarrassed. But I don't really know how to control myself. Should I stop even trying to play team-type sports/games? Should I keep playing & work on how I handle these things? 

What do you guys think?!?

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