Learning to play nice

This is by no means my proudest moment. In fact it might actually be one of my most embarrassing - in life and in blog. Naturally, I'm going to share it with you.

Don't be fooled though, this isn't one of those haha-i'm-so-embarrassed-about-this-quirky-(or drunk)-stupid-thing-i-did-haha moments. It's more of an i'm-an-adult-and-i-can't-believe-i-just-acted-like-that-in-front-of-my-peers moment.

I play softball on a work league [which is pretty much like office dating because the consequences can be rather unpleasant if things go wrong*] and it's a lot of fun because my work friends are just plain awesome & I actually don't fully suck at it. Unfortunately, I'm really competitive. Like really, really, really competitive. It's affected me my whole life & I've never really learned how to deal with it...possibly because I've semi-avoided dealing with it hoping that I'd just grow out of it.

So we had a softball game the other day. We lost. I was pissed. Here's why:

1. The other team made a couple of shit calls which resulted in way more runs than they deserved.
2. My team was overly confident because we went into this game with a 4-0 winning streak.
3. Halfway through the game, they were still overly confident even though it was obvious that this team could hold their own & continued to hand them runs & opportunities to get us out.
4. Just the fact that I was letting this shit bother me made this a vicious fucking circle.

I didn't have a full-out tantrum on the diamond - that's not very becoming of a princess - however I'm sure you could tell my attitude had gotten pretty rotten with the glares, cussing (not too loudly) and I may or may not have tossed my glove one time.

I don't know how obvious it was to the other team while sitting on the bench or being in the outfield, however I know how I felt - like a frustrated douchebag. But a frustrated douchebag that I could not for the life of me control. Now, I wasn't the only one that was pissed and showed it, but by then I had tuned out my team mates so I couldn't really tell you exactly how they acted.

Don't worry, I still did the 'good game' handshake with the other team, but definitely called my mom right after that. MY MOM! I'm 24 years old in case I haven't mentioned. My mom didn't even understand what I was talking about at first (I may have been putting a lot of effort into not sobbing) and once she got it she was like, "Oh! I thought you lost something valuable, like your rings [again]!" She told me to go home, relax & suck it up because IT'S JUST A FREAKIN' SOFTBALL GAME!!

Guess what...I know it's just a game. What I don't know is how to not internalize a loss of any kind. This is my perception of me losing:

Losing > Failing > Not Good Enough > Incompetent > Inadequate

I'm very aware of how that sounds - dumb. But I like to put 110% into what I do & if I'm not completely successful then, at least I know I did my best. [cue Dane Cook] But with so much out of my control - aka 2 entire teams worth of people - I just can't handle it.

At work yesterday I had reason to suspect that things may have been said by the other team so I manned up - me admitting I was wrong? umm yes - and apologized to the other team's captain for what was likely the most douchebag-ish attitude they've seen on the diamond. We're cool, and of course I asked her to pass my apology on to the rest of the team because there's no way I was letting ME admitting I was wrong go unnoticed.

So like I said - I'm embarrassed. But I don't really know how to control myself. Should I stop even trying to play team-type sports/games? Should I keep playing & work on how I handle these things? 

What do you guys think?!?

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The year that was...2010

As usual, it feels slightly surreal to find myself at the end of yet another year. You mean to tell me the big prep for 2010 was 365 days ago? Are you sure?

Not to say that 2010 went by uneventfully, that is far from the truth. In fact, this past year has been really good to me and for that I am actually very grateful.

Here are some of the highlights, mostly in order:

• Met the greatest boy in the world <3
• Lost the greatest boy in the world - Rockstar
• Got through my previous job alive....and without a criminal record - a serious achievement
• Spent 2 wonderful months in Bulgaria (here too) with family & friends at parties & beaches...L.O.V.E.
• Spent a weekend in Berlin with my flatmates from Germany and reminisced about exchange while partying like we were never apart <3
• A fairly painless job hunt compared to others & friends in high places to get my foot in the door!
• Getting the life that I want - big girl job in the big city!
• Ditching two boys from my past that are uberly useless douches - thanks for comin' out Mikey & Megaman
• Despite being a ridiculous hypochondriac...I'm healthy :)

But most importantly...I started this blog. And along the way I've made some wonderful bloggie friends & been honoured with some fantastic readers! Anything and everything that has happened in 2010 - good or bad - has been better because I've been able to share it with all of you.

So YOU my dears, are the reason why 2010 is going down in the books as *golden* - thank you muchly :)

I think this song is a very effective summary of how I feel about the way 2010 treated me...minus being a cash money hero with money falling from the sky while living the high life LOL

XO,

Frenchie, part 3

For part 1, go here.

For part 2, go here.

So i started reading Twilight b/c it was way more entertaining than reading my notes. I won't lie, i really really enjoyed the books. The story and everything was great until i started picturing these two douches as the main characters:

Douches.

If you're a big reader like myself (not counting the fact that i haven't picked up a book in months!) you know how you subconsciously create the characters' appearance. Part of the fun of reading :) They ruined it. ANYWAY...

Well, this one day i'm waiting for a friend to finish class and who walks into the lounge...my own personal Edward. Seriously. Exactly how I had pictured him & wanted him to be! He had just walked right by me! Who was this boy i had never noticed before?!

I dug around for some dirt & it turned out Swiss Edward was maintaining a long-distance relationship. But Switzerland isn't just another area code, it's another country! And it's not even part of the EU so that practically makes them a different continent. Or planet. I'm terrible, i know this.

I got my first chance at an interaction when we headed to the local bar one random weeknight. By the time we got there i had already polished off a bottle of wine but nothing stops me. Long story short, the mutual flirting was on max. Higher than max, whatever that measurement is.

Leading up to Halloween, i ran into his friend & asked them what their costume plans were. He wasn't sure about his but Swiss was going to be a *dun dun dunnnn* you got it - VAMPIRE! It was a sign, and no one could convince me otherwise! NO ONE!

This Catwoman was ready for a challenge!

Don't worry, Frenchie is still a part of this. I saw him at a neighbour's flat before going to the Halloween pre-drink and he was going as a white Bob Marley. He had pretty much established himself as a pothead by this time so that wasn't a shocker. I ignored him like he really didn't exist. He definitely did not like that.

Within 5 minutes of walking into the pre-drink, my Edward had spotted me. He looked great. I felt great. Lust.

Why am i not an actress?

If i start telling you how much fun we had owning the dancefloor i'm going to get all distracted.  It was fun. Of course his one gal friend didn't hide her distaste but fuck her.

Enter: Frenchie. WHOA what happened to white Marley? B/c now you're face-painted as a CAT! I'm Catwoman, you can't do that! THIEF!

The thief part should have been the least of my concerns. I couldn't help but notice the glares and starting from the corner of my eye. And on at least one occasion he tried to come and dance with me when Swiss Edward was further away.

NO DICE! Remember how i REALLY SUPER DUPER dislike you?! Ya, that hasn't changed. A girl's gotta go to the bathroom though so off i went, all by myself.

Conveniently, SwissEdward's said gal friend was also in the bathroom.

A: So...aren't you Frenchie's girlfriend?

D: Umm no! That's a big misunderstanding. I was never his girlfriend and we are not together.

A: [not convinced] Ooooh ok. B/c i know you are dancing with Swiss Edward a lot...

D: Ya i'm not Frenchie's girlfriend, but he won't listen to me when i tell him that i'm not interested.

A: [seems like she believed me] Oh well ok, i was just wondering b/c it was a bit strange.

You know what's a bit strange?!?! YOU French people's interpretation of EVERYTHING! Holy crap. Butt out of my life already!!!

Well that was a pleasant bathroom break. It wasn't over. As i was walking back, Frenchie snuck up on me and cornered me yet again! Some bullshit about needing to talk to me blah blah blah. I don't want to talk to you! i told him. All i want to do is get back to my Swiss Edward [and grind up on his fabulous fit body]. I got angry and pried myself away, warning him to stay away from me and went back to my Halloween candy.

Now the staring and glaring intensified. All of a sudden, Frenchie's little roommate girl comes up to Edward and starts whispering in his ear. He responds with a smirk. I caught on real fast. She was a messenger.

D: "Listen - you go back and tell Frenchie to leave me alone b/c this is NONE of his business. And don't act like a highschool idiot as well by being his fucking messenger."

[Exchange folks were always a little taken aback with my fast and fluent English, especially when i was angry and swearing. It was entertaining lol]

She walked away & Swiss Edward turned his gorgeous green eyes to me & said, "We're allowed to dance, no?" *sexy smirk smile*

I turned into one of these instantly.

[credit]

Best Halloween ever. And i was pretty sure that Frenchie was now gone for good! Bonus!

But was he? ... ;)

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Can't take rejection much?

Sorry, i know i'm overloading you with posts today - but you know you love it, don't lie :)

So remember super clingy guy from last weekend? Well, read here if you can't keep track of the many douchebags that i meet.

After that post, i figured i'd give him a shot because he was nice enough. I also have the habit of 'reading a book by its cover' and not giving people [guys] chances, so i figured i would. What's the harm?

Well that depends on your definition of harm. I consider having meaningless [and sometimes forced] conversations and being called "cutie", "sweetie" & "angel" in every other text message harmful to my health.

The following are some texting highlights from Saturday:

[I changed my # this past weekend and sent a mass text to inform my contacts]
"That was ur only chance to get rid of me now your [excellent grammar skills] screwd girl lol :p"
Yeah i totally should have just cut you off that way. I'm a little bit more mature though. But don't worry, I have other ways to get rid of you.

"Ok cutie txt me later checking in lol... I'll be waiting, and don't get too hammered tonight won't b there for u to have a shoulder to lean on lol"
How about you stop talking now? Seriously, wow. And how about you do not tell me what to do? Plus, i was nowhere near 'hammered' last week. Just happy drunk. Maybe i should have been hammered cuz then i totally would have ignored your ass. Frig.

"Did you have fun tonight? Get drunk? Pick up any guys lololol"
Yeah, i picked them all up. I should have told him that too. What an idiot. I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR A WEEK why do you keep forgetting that? Because you now look like a total idiot.

I avoided him all day yesterday & today because i'm BUSY and have nothing to say to him. Some people just can't take a hint. So i resorted to letting him down gently tonight.

"Yaaa..so listen, you seem like a great guy but honestly as u can see my life is pretty busy right now. I don't really have time for anything else at the moment. I don't wanna waste your time and mine 'cause I don't really see this going anywhere."

Get a load of the response: "Later"
Ugh...as in you're too busy to reply and we'll discuss it later? Confused. "Sorry, what?"
His moment of epic maturity consisted of: "Later aka bye!"

That actually happened. Buddy, you're 27 and that's your reaction? With the rejections you've probably faced due to your serious clingy-ness, you really haven't honed your taking-it-like-a-man skills. Get some of those, because you'll clearly need to use them in the future.

I do now kinda wish i hadn't bothered giving him my new number, but hopefully he just deletes me. On the bright side, at least i didn't have to explain to him why it wouldn't work. I just don't like you. But no one likes to hear that.

On an even brighter note, it made for some good blog content! We should all send the big baby a big thank you!

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Packin' up my life

Ok, maybe not my whole life but a good part of it! 

I've never gone through the gawd awful awesome process of moving before, being lucky enough to have been able to attend a great university nearby [YAY no debt!] so this is all new to me.

But after doing this for 3 days - more like 2 b/c i skipped doing anything at all on Tuesday - i think i'm going to live in my new place FOREVER!

Packing this shit up all over again?! No thank you, i'm not that big of a masochist. Plus, i can only imagine how much worse it would be to have to pack everything and have a deadline! At least i can leave stuff behind in my old room, or come back for things i forget.

I now completely understand why some people stay at home until they're married. Who the heck wants to move more than absolutely necessary?! No one smart.

This probably wouldn't be so bad if i didn't own so much useless awesome crap. Trinket boxes full of useless trinkets anyone? Come visit and TAKE THEM ALL! I'm not taking them, but i have to sort through everything to find what i do want.

Here's what's been taking up my time this week:

The only glasses i own are of the wine & martini variety. Shocking, i know.

HOW am i going to pack this up?!

It doesn't look like an improvement but it is.
[sorry for the dark photo]

2 of 3 suitcases.

Whoever lets me buy any more stuff should be shot.

So if you don't hear from me for a long time - it's because this pack rat drowned in her sea of stuff!

PS: Moving help is always welcome! No? Meh, i tried.

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Frenchie, part 1

Has anyone ever been on exchange abroad? Well i have. In the Fall of 2008 i went to Germany and it was the best decision i have ever made!

Not to be confused with me making the best decisions while i was out there. Those are two very different things.

But anyone and everyone will tell you that the time you are away on exchange is not the time to hold back. Let loose, take risks, live while you can! All true. And this will likely lead to some very interesting stories.

So back to me in Germany in 2008. I went through a very shitty breakup at the start of it b/c apparently i like to date big douchebags. That's besides the point.

The short story is that after sulking i was ready to have some fun, and my flatmate had the inside scoop on a guy that was interested in me. Little old me! Fast forward a few days to Oktoberfest in Munich:

That's just the first litre. At approximately 11am

What happens when I consume two of those? My flatmate (in blue, above) convinces me to make out with this interested guy, who we shall call Frenchie - on camera. Most other things are a blur. Including the video.

So what? Everyone makes out. No big deal. We're all friends here, it's exchange!

Fast forward another week to a campus party. This was such a hawt mess for everyone, no one even got a chance to document any of it. And yours truly was the honourable Queen of Hawt Mess that evening.

The result of this being the walk of shame the next morning after passing out too soon to make this story even more interesting. Really, i'm not in denial or anything. Good thing i wore flats - it made the walk home in a quiet German village slightly less shameful. Slightly.

But after knowing this guy for a week, and having some sober interaction, i wasn't too thrilled with his personality so i wasn't planning on hanging out with him outside of group functions.

Later that evening, Facebook newsfeed greets me with the update that Frenchie "is now listed as in a relationship <3."

Immediately i kick into troubleshooting mode and PM him simply asking him what this is all about. The most hilarious part i think is the fact that no matter who i tell this story to, their interpretation is "OMG this guy had a girlfriend?! And fooled around anyway?! What an asshole!" Oh NOOOOOOO - i was the relationship! LOL

But who the hell has time to wait for a PM reply?! Not this girl. So I then opted for the faster, more direct method of Facebook chat (which i hate):

D: in a relationship? what's that about?

F: what's that about??

Oook, i should have used simpler English.

D: yeah what's taht supposed to mean?

F: Ugh so for you we are not in a relationship?

UGH no buddy what the fuck is wrong with you..don't you usually need to discuss with someone if you are in a relationship? Crazy French!!!!!

D: Umm lets see i've known u for a WEEK, and i'm not looking for something serious.

F: yeah i know and dont worry i dont consider that it is serious enough too but for me now i am in a relationship but that DOES NOT mean that it is serious i hav to go sorry see u.

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?!?!?!?

Dammit! Back home you go home with a guy hoping he'll want more and you get nada. Now the ONE time I do something casual (not to mention out of nature) I get THIS?! How unfair is that?!

The worst part is i had to wait to get this cleared up. And you my dears, have to wait until part 2 for more ;)

Money makes the world go 'round?

Back from my weekend shopping trip in PA with my fave twin - my mom! :)  We had a great time shopping, dining, sightseeing and wine tasting!

Interestingly enough, our trip was sponsored by - money. So whoever started spreading the nasty rumour that 'money can't buy happiness' should be glad they're (likely) no longer around for me to argue with.

I know this seems lame but i seriously feel the need to get my argument out in the open. And it's my blog so i'm gonna go for it!

Sure, there's a whole slew of [important] things that money can't buy:

- health [we like this]

- a great relationship/significant other [we all want this eventually]

- rivalry-free fam life [and keeping blood pressure at a normal level]

- genuine friends to support your ass when you're down [thank you!] & go out with [shots!]

- a JOB! [pretty please?]

...i could go on.

But there's plenty of stuff that i love which money CAN and does buy:

- gas for my car (which i bought with $$$ too) to go and see my fave people!

- a netbook to post my blogs & write my millions of cover letters [you like this]

- a TV to watch the shows & movies that make me smile :)

- plane tickets to satisfy my immense love of travel [Europe anyone? Yiiiiah]

- ingredients to make dinner & baked goods for people i love <3

- occasional shopping therapy to keep me sane ;)

...you get it.

Not to mention signing up for those glorified dating websites to get a date or two. Maybe even a marriage! Or two? I don't plan on going in this direction but to each their own.

In conclusion, money can buy my happiness - anyday. But it can't solve all my problems, i know this. Ok, i'm glad we agree! :)

Since you stuck around this long, here's more mini-rant. Watching TV while writing this provoked the following thoughts.

Eggo waffles. Yea i loved them when i was young but i have come a long way since then. I can now make my own BETTER waffles from scratch. And guess what!? Freeze then toast them up later. Trust me when i tell ya that they are delicious. And healthy since i make the whole wheat kind :) What up now Kelloggs?!

Oh there's yet another Monopoly on the market, what a surprise. The commercial claims that the Monopoly electronic banking - "kids love it!" Really? Probably because they don't have to use their fucking brains. Don't even get me started on how much i hate today's youth. Hate.

Why am i so good at math? (I already warned you about the nerdiness ;P) Probably because i played the Game of Life all the freakin' time and adding up THOUSANDS of dollars in my head is really useful for brain and math development. Maybe you little teenaged, hard-headed fuckers should give that a try sometime?

Just think about how much travelling i could do if i had all the money contained a box of Monopoly!! :)

It's true what they teach you in Business School...

...Networking is the shit! Maybe it's just me and my stubbornness to only selectively believe what my profs told me, but honestly i never believed in it. I've always felt that if you've got the skills, you'll be perfectly fine. Well NEWSFLASH! No one is ever going to look at your skills unless you know someone who's gonna get your foot in the door. Well, maybe not never, but it certainly helps. Those ACE networking lunches weren't just to kill time apparently. I think i spent most of them napping/going through my swag bag. Very productive of me LOL Also, you never really know who's watching and noticing what you do, and who will end up being a good 'ally'. I'm glad that after my one-year employment here, i at least learned this valuable lesson :) I was touched by the Board Directors' comments tonight, as well as their support, and I shall miss their awesomeness :)

Too bad i'm not really looking to stay in the area...i'd already have job offers :P