Let's all wave buh-bye to #LatinLover!

I've pretty much analyzed this topic to death in my head but I should probably conclude the story of #LatinLover since I made it into somewhat of a big deal over the past month. He turned out to be pretty useless. Is that sufficient? No? Damn, ok.

As I mentioned in this post, things on my end had cooled off while he was away on his Southeast Asia trip. I tried so hard not be attached that I became pretty much entirely detached & kind of shut down to the whole situation.

Honestly, it should not be that easy because I have tried many-a-times to force myself to get over guys & it never rarely works so well. And I was supposed to actually be into this one! This was before he did things to piss me off of course.

Before going on his trip, he had asked me what I was up to the last weekend of February & proceeded to invite me to a cottage weekend trip with his friends. I was open to the idea (even though I'm kind of a princess when it comes to 'outdoors-y' things) so I told him we could talk about it when he was back.

So when he got back he obviously brought up the trip. I asked for details such as you know...how are we even getting there? All I got was a vague, maybe, not-100%-sure answer. Umm ok - so how about you figure that out & then talk to me? K thanks.

By Wednesday these plans had gotten overly complicated & I just don’t do complicated. But what really got me was that while discussing this, he didn't respond to my texts for 4 hours. You've got to be kidding me right now. You're doing an excellent job of convincing me to come, really.

Sorry, I guess I should have sat you down from day one and explained to you that communication is the most important thing to me and shitty skills are a complete deal breaker. I have no time in my life to deal with poor communication. Especially when I know how psycho-analytical I can get - it's for my own sanity. And therefore everyone else's.

So since we're all intelligent adults here - who here thinks there's still a remote chance of me going on this cottage trip that I pretty much know nothing about? Thank you, my point exactly.

I didn't bother responding or initializing convo after that but he asked me to come over after my Bulgarian folk dancing class [which btw, I love! :D] – I said maybe because frankly, I didn't really care about seeing him.

Well Bulgarian folk dancing puts me in such a good mood, that I figured I should really give the guy a chance since he hadn't really done anything wrong and I hadn't seen him in nearly 3 weeks. Once I got there, the first things he asks me is, "So are you coming tomorrow?!"

To me this question signifies two things: 1) you are being fucking ignorant of the last 24hrs & 2) you're just plain dumb.

Both of the above are clearly true because his response to finding out I wasn't joining him was, "What?! You're not coming!?"

Honestly, I've had a long day & I'm tired. Now you're making my brain bleed. Do you think that after our discussions, or lack thereof, that transpired over the last 48 hours I would be coming? Can we FOR THE LOVE OF GOD just PLEASE watch Jersey Shore so that I can go home to bed? K thanks.

I'm fairly certain that by the end of the night he sensed something was up. Maybe he read my mind while we were cuddling & making out when I was thinking, "Wow, you could honestly just be any warm body right now & it wouldn't even matter to me. This is really not good." Either way, I left & went to bed.

The next [Friday] morning I again felt kind of bad because again - he hadn't really done anything to deserve my 'lack of enthusiasm'. Before work I texted wishing him a good day. No response. That's ok probably busy at work, whatever. After work I wished him a good weekend. No response.

And that was the case for the next 96 hours. That's 4 days by the way - more than 50% of one full week. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was dating a little girl! Grow some fucking balls buddy & if I've hurt your feelings use your words, not immaturity, to tell me how you feel. And whatever lame way he decided to finally break the ice with doesn't even matter at this point. It's beyond over for me and mentally, I've completely moved on.

As per the advice I recently received, I should quit wasting my time and his. Done. My biggest concern right now - getting back the book I lent him.

And fighting to get back the one thing I truly want - if I even still have a chance. More on that another time.

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Foto Friday

This has been my week...plus walking around like a sleep-deprived zombie.

TGIF, for real.

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No smitten kittens in sight

This is a random, out-of-the-blue rant and I don't even know if I'm going to hit "publish post". If you're reading this...I obviously did.

#LatinLover is back. He got back yesterday actually and he did text me, which i'm gonna be honest - I had completely betted against. I really didn't see the need to get my hopes up. Especially...when I've been doubting how I feel. 2 weeks on followed by 2 weeks off gave me plenty of time to re-asses my feelings.

Is he a nice guy? Yes. Do i like him? I def don't dislike him. Do i like the idea of him? Yes. Do i like the idea of someone? Yeah that's most likely it. Unfortunately.

I know me.If I'm not a smitten kitten from the start, then things will most likely fizzle out. I know that sounds like I expect a lot, but really - it has happened & those have been the best flings and/or relationships regardless of their ending.

Don't get me wrong, i was intrigued when we met...but that intrigue was never really topped. It was just kind of there - chillin'. Till we finally had the chance to hang out. It was a fun date, which ended probably not how first dates should end - keep them in suspense is good advice i don't listen to - but there was none of *that*. Whatever you want to call *that*.

Now that he's back, I don't even care much to make plans with him. Except for the fact that I agreed to save all of Jersey Shore for when he got back, and since I like to keep my word, I did. Dying. To. Watch. Them. Eek!

So anyway, he's invited me to a cottage with his friends for the weekend - which is what's going to delay Jersey Shore even more! - however I'm not interested. I don't have any good excuse per se...except I just don't want to go. Plain & simple. I mean, obv i do want to see him at some point again (preferably sooner rather than later because the Jersey Shore suspense is just short of killing me) since it's probably better to  confirm the re-assessment of my feelings in person and not just on a whim.

I guess I just don't want to hurt his feelings, because he really is a nice guy. However, nice guy isn't enough. Especially for me. Let's face it #LatinLover, you've failed miserably at making me forget about #Rockstar [you'd know from the tweets the last few days], but not only that - I've been somewhat intrigued by new people that I've met. That is most definitely not a sign of a smitten kitten!

Haha I had to, too cute!

Nuff said? I think so. Rant over. God, I love this outlet.

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An 'A' for effort?

If you haven't read this post you may be a little bit confused. #LatinLover comes back from Southeast Asia today. I have mixed feelings. Which is an entirely different story. I'm more interested in finding out how I did with my to do list!

Things To Do While #LatinLover is Away

1. Finally finish my blog pages & post them ✔

I'm so excited that I finally did this! Please check out the pages & let me know what you think :)

2. Spice up my blog layout ✔

Also done! I know many of us read in Google Reader, but if you get the chance, take a look at the layout :)

3. Resume activity on 20SB

I've been reading but not participating so I need to work on that.

4. Learn to crochet ✔

Umm hell yes! I've already half-way through my first scarf! :) 5. Try yoga

Nope, too much stuff was going on & honestly, I'm really not that interested.

6. Finally start going to Bulgarian folk dancing ✔

I started last week & can't wait to go every week! So determined not to quit!

7. Stop thinking about cuddling ✔

Yep I got over that.

8. Make large dent in 1984

K i quit this book. So weird & depressing & hard to get into! But I started another one & love it...check out my books page!

9. Catch up on The Vampire Diaries

Not yet, but my mom's been telling me how awesome it has gotten, so I will soon. I can only stay away from Damon Salvatore for so long...

Beautiful man.

10. Burn the playlists I’ve been compiling

I wish. My computer crashed and I spent a week trying to figure out what to do. Ultimately, I bought a new one!

11. Dye my hair ✔

So I tried but I'm still allergic to hairdye. That's what my patch test experiment told me, which just to make sure, I tested on the inside of BOTH my arms. Let's just say it's a good thing it's winter and I can easily wear long sleeves for 2 weeks straight...I did some research though so I'm still working on a solution ;)

12. Get a proper hair cut

I've been polling people to find out where I should go & I'm going to make an appointment in the next week or so! The death of my computer ate up a lot of my free time. #excuses

13. Super clean my apartment ✔

It was epic. Underneath my bed has never been so spotless and free of dust bunnies. And my bathtub? Fit for a princess' bath. Which I plan on indulging in :P

14. Go see Black Swan ✔

Needless to say, this movie did not disappoint & Natalie Portman was spectacular! Highly recommend.

15. Try 2 new meal recipes

Didn't get to this :( But I've got some recipes picked out for this week's dinners! I'll let you know if any of them are any good!

16. Try at least 1 new dessert recipe

I prefer to make deserts for special occasions...

17. Go on my eliptical every (other) day

Between freaking out about #LatinLover (I was at that stage) and what the heck I was going to do about my dead computer, I really didn't have the energy for this. However, theoretically, this would have helped clear my head...oops.

18. Stop thinking about cuddling ✔

Very successful. Too successful I may want to say. To the point where I'm questioning it all.

19. Drink ✔

How do I explain this success? Of a $150 drinking budget, I have less than $20 left and there's still a week left of Feburary. Ya it'll be coming out of groceries. I may or may not love to go out for drinks with my co-workers.

20. Smile & be happy :) ✔

Once I got over the boy+computer drama in my head, life was good & I'm happy about how my life went these past two weeks. Everything happens for a reason!

50% if you don't count the double cuddling. Clearly I'll try harder next time. Happy Family or President's Day...hope you had the day off like me! :)

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Spreadin' Some Love!

So I guess it's Valentine's Day, eh? I'm pretty indifferent about it - until people try to cram pro or anti down my throat - so this is about as much acknowledgement as it's going to get from me.

Though I must say, I did have a rather splendid day because I got to wake up to a cute 'hey!' message from #LatinLover who is all the way in Southeast Asia for another week!

In other news, the fantastic Leanna @ OMG I Moved to NYC has given me yet another blog award! She's too good to me ;)

And here is my acceptance survey!

What inspires you?
My parents & our family friends - they packed up their lives in a small communist Eastern European country & moved to Canada in order to give their kids a better life. Now 20 years later, they're as well-adjusted as anyone else and we've got a million opportunities at our finger tips. Pretty fantastic.
Also, since I've started blogging, I've "met" so many fantastic ladies making it on their own out in the world, wherever it is that they may be - talk about Independent Women :)

What is your favorite season and why?
I like Spring & Fall...it's hard to pick. I love the medium temps...you can layer your pretty wardrobe but don't have to collapse underneath those layers! And you're either enjoying the coming of summer & all it has to offer...or reminiscing of its passing & all it brought you :)

What are you most looking forward to this year?
Living in the city, especially during summer!! Enjoying outdoor patios & drinks every.freaking.day!!! :)

If you could write a book about anything, what would it be about?
Ah Leanna - I don't want to steal this one but I also have to go with ridiculous dating adventures. And really, any random dumb - yet hilarious & lesson-learning - crap me & my friends have gone through. I feel like a group of us could really get together and write a real book on this LOL

What is your greatest passion?
Does finding happiness count? Like ultimate happiness. Through loving all aspects of life - my family, my friends, my job, my community & living to the fullest.

If you could change one thing about your life or yourself, what would it be and why?
What I'd like to change about myself is my tendency to view things in my life negatively. I'm generally rather good at being positive and supportive of my friends when they're down, but when it comes to myself - there's no support. Everything just seems all bad all the time - I over-think things & regret way too much. Need to take it easy & enjoy life!

Lastly, what is your favorite novel?
Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery. LMM is a wonderful & descriptive author and I loved all the books in this series. But really, this is the book that started my adoration of reading & I will forever be grateful for that <3

Now on to the hard part...choosing who to dish out this award to!!! I'm sticking to the magic number 3.

Bree @ .simply.girly.
lauren @ lauren vs. reality
Steph @ Influence 

Mind Occupation

So how’s my withdrawal going? Excellently actually, I’ve barely noticed...until I actually start thinking about the fact that I’ve barely noticed. LOL Either way, I’m pretty proud and probably deserve a gold star.

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The key is to keep my mind occupied. Obvious, I know. Plus, my ‘Master to-do list’ has gotten pretty long as of late - I kind of procrastinate a little a lot - so I decided I would focus on that. I work much better with a deadline anyway & 2 weeks isn’t that long, so nothing like a time crunch!

I’ve compiled a list of things that I would ideally like to accomplish during the time leading up to le return. Key word being ideally. It has an appropriate & very creative title of course.

Things To Do While #LatinLover is Away

1. Finally finish my blog pages & post them

2. Spice up my blog layout

3. Resume activity on 20SB

4. Learn to crochet [only mildly far-fetched]

5. Try yoga

6. Finally start going to Bulgarian folk dancing [aka make mommy proud]

7. Stop thinking about cuddling [that doesn’t count]

8. Make large dent in 1984 [seriously failing at reading lately]

9. Catch up on The Vampire Diaries [I stopped watching in November]

10. Burn the playlists I’ve been compiling

11. Dye my hair [might be hard - I'm generally allergic to hair dye :(]

12. Get a proper hair cut [I’ve been cutting my own bangs for 3 months - they are horrid]

13. Super clean my apartment

14. Go see Black Swan [DONE! so good :)]

15. Try 2 new meal recipes

16. Try at least 1 new dessert recipe

17. Go on my eliptical every (other) day [it's collecting dust in the closet]

18. Stop thinking about cuddling [Bah!]

19. Drink [potentially correlated with the above]

20. Smile & be happy :)

I’m taking bets on how many of these I actually accomplish...

…well not all at once now...

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Emo Dump

I really don’t have a smooth way to transition into the emotional word dump that’s about to follow so here it is.

I spent a good chunk of Sunday being pretty restless & anxious. I wanted to do a million things at once, yet nothing at all because I wouldn’t know where to begin. That coupled with early withdrawal from the boy I recently started seeing was quite the mindfuck. Especially for a Sunday.

HOLD UP! Yes, I know you may be a bit confused right now since I have been slightly secretive about this. First off, since I am fond of code names (i.e.: Rockstar, Frenchie) we will call him #LatinLover. I also like hashtags, remember?

So long story short, I met him at a post-work function when I first started here in November - don’t worry, I know exactly what you’re thinking re: office romances and I agree - but I didn’t see him again until our work Christmas party at the end of December. There we got to talking and decided we should hang out sometime.

Fast-forward through last-minute Christmas shopping, Christmas, New Year’s and me being sick for 2 weeks, to our date a couple of weeks ago. Dinner, drinks & good convo - can’t go wrong with that! False. This is where my secrecy comes in. I got so wrapped up in ranting about how much I enjoy adore social networking that I let it slip that I have a blog. That would be fine if he wasn’t now semi-intent (not really sure just how much honestly) on finding my blog. Thank you big-mouthed self. #epicfail

Now, I haven’t reallly talked about this, however this blog is not shared with people in my ‘real’ life. None of my friends or family know and I would like to keep it that way. This is my outlet where I can say whatever and know that readers will “get it”. If I wanted others’ opinions, I would have a conversation with them.

Anyway, the last 2 weeks I’ve wondered what I’m going to do if #LatinLover ever discovered this baby. That finally came to a head with my anxiety yesterday. I don’t care. If he finds it then we should both be prepared to deal with it. Really though, I’m not responsible for how it makes him feel so if I were him I’d seriously consider whether I would really want to know everything.

I still don’t think that it’s fair for me to be subconsciously censoring myself (which I’m sure will be the case) but it was my own mistake. He’s been told that it’s private and not to bother looking. Obedience test? Just kidding.

Back to present day though. You know when you start dating someone then start spending more time with them & absolutely love that time together?! And then life gets in the way of that? Yeah it happens far too often. So he’s in between jobs - told ya not to worry about the office romance! - so took the opportunity to travel Southeast Asia for the next 2 weeks. I’m sure this will be a trip of a lifetime & I’m happy he’s doing it, but quite frankly THIS IS ABOUT ME.

The problem with me is that when I like you, I REALLY LIKE you. I don’t go psycho girl on a guy, that’s just not cool. But I’m just ridiculously loyal - it’s a Sagittarius thing, and anyone will tell you it’s our best quality. So I start to let my guard down and the vulnerability factor SKYROCKETS. Not to mention that I inevitably start to wonder where this is all going to go and of course...whether I’m going to get hurt yet again.

So Life, you’re telling me that I will have to spend the next 2 weeks (with no communication) driving myself crazy?! Fine. But you owe me...