February 8, 2011

Emo Dump

I really don’t have a smooth way to transition into the emotional word dump that’s about to follow so here it is.

I spent a good chunk of Sunday being pretty restless & anxious. I wanted to do a million things at once, yet nothing at all because I wouldn’t know where to begin. That coupled with early withdrawal from the boy I recently started seeing was quite the mindfuck. Especially for a Sunday.

HOLD UP! Yes, I know you may be a bit confused right now since I have been slightly secretive about this. First off, since I am fond of code names (i.e.: Rockstar, Frenchie) we will call him #LatinLover. I also like hashtags, remember?

So long story short, I met him at a post-work function when I first started here in November - don’t worry, I know exactly what you’re thinking re: office romances and I agree - but I didn’t see him again until our work Christmas party at the end of December. There we got to talking and decided we should hang out sometime.

Fast-forward through last-minute Christmas shopping, Christmas, New Year’s and me being sick for 2 weeks, to our date a couple of weeks ago. Dinner, drinks & good convo - can’t go wrong with that! False. This is where my secrecy comes in. I got so wrapped up in ranting about how much I enjoy adore social networking that I let it slip that I have a blog. That would be fine if he wasn’t now semi-intent (not really sure just how much honestly) on finding my blog. Thank you big-mouthed self. #epicfail

Now, I haven’t reallly talked about this, however this blog is not shared with people in my ‘real’ life. None of my friends or family know and I would like to keep it that way. This is my outlet where I can say whatever and know that readers will “get it”. If I wanted others’ opinions, I would have a conversation with them.

Anyway, the last 2 weeks I’ve wondered what I’m going to do if #LatinLover ever discovered this baby. That finally came to a head with my anxiety yesterday. I don’t care. If he finds it then we should both be prepared to deal with it. Really though, I’m not responsible for how it makes him feel so if I were him I’d seriously consider whether I would really want to know everything.

I still don’t think that it’s fair for me to be subconsciously censoring myself (which I’m sure will be the case) but it was my own mistake. He’s been told that it’s private and not to bother looking. Obedience test? Just kidding.

Back to present day though. You know when you start dating someone then start spending more time with them & absolutely love that time together?! And then life gets in the way of that? Yeah it happens far too often. So he’s in between jobs - told ya not to worry about the office romance! - so took the opportunity to travel Southeast Asia for the next 2 weeks. I’m sure this will be a trip of a lifetime & I’m happy he’s doing it, but quite frankly THIS IS ABOUT ME.

The problem with me is that when I like you, I REALLY LIKE you. I don’t go psycho girl on a guy, that’s just not cool. But I’m just ridiculously loyal - it’s a Sagittarius thing, and anyone will tell you it’s our best quality. So I start to let my guard down and the vulnerability factor SKYROCKETS. Not to mention that I inevitably start to wonder where this is all going to go and of course...whether I’m going to get hurt yet again.

So Life, you’re telling me that I will have to spend the next 2 weeks (with no communication) driving myself crazy?! Fine. But you owe me...




2 comments :

  1. Ok, well yay for meeting a good guy!
    I know what you mean about the secret blog-mine is too besides Dylan knowing. I plan on keeping it that way for a LONG time. No one needs to know, especially my mom lol no thanks.
    If you don't have your full name attached to the blog, then I doubt he will be able to find it.
    And 2 weeks will totally go fast though and #LatinLover will be back before you know it!

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  2. Aww thanks Bree *hugs* :) I'm almost more worried about what may or may not happen when he gets back...
    See - me getting WAY ahead of myself :(

    ps: i just googled myself in several variations including in google blog search and nada. I also searched Twitter just in case haha I feel safe now :)

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